This is the scenario: the unbelievable, appalling, ridiculous, annoying, humiliating, shocking, or otherwise parameter-breaking “thing” has happened between you and another person, and there is a question that must be asked. “Really?” This is followed by “Are you serious? Did this just happen?” Getting zapped happens more frequently than we know, because there are all of those subtle “digs” that may be imperceptible to the casual observer. But you know. And you feel it. The key to mastering successful outcomes in these difficult situations is not placating challenging people, but being prepared to shape your own response in order to ameliorate the state of affairs.

Determine to listen carefully before you react. In the midst of an encounter, it is imperative to hear what people say. Look directly at whoever is talking, and “listen” to body language. Focus well so that when there is an opportunity, you can summarize what you’ve heard by saying, “What I understand you are saying is…” This automatically puts you on the “same page” even if unpleasant realities surface. Mutual understanding of the conflict is a great foundation from which to rebuild harmony. Continue reading Umm…Really?

It’s an old trick: someone talked about you when you weren’t around! Therefore, people have the wrong idea about you. You didn’t have a chance to correct the wrong information, and now you have a mess on your hands. It’s up to you to dispel the rumors. What an unfortunate situation! What a disappointment that someone chose to do it. How should leaders respond when speculation, rumors, and gossip seem to edge out real facts and truth?

First, be careful not to catalyze a “maybe this is true” piece of information to a level of virtual truth. Sometimes it is easy to advance inaccurate information by simply participating in a conversation built on faulty facts. When you are in a role of leadership, people may validate rumors based on your willingness to discuss them—even if you don’t agree! However, firmly but gently declining to participate in such discussions can extinguish the fire of gossip quickly. Say something like, “I understand your concern, but I’d like to hear from those involved rather than talk about them in their absence.”

Next, if the gossip is about you, guard yourself against an immediate response. Take time to consider what you really want to say, and write it down. Organize your ideas and plan a calm, mature, and professional response. The words you choose and the way you communicate them can lead to clarity, truth, and resolution—but only if they are produced in a way that elicits reconciliation and not retaliation. For example, resist the urge to use sarcasm when clarifying your actions. Instead of saying “Sure, I’d do such a thing if I thought I could get a million bucks!” which could be taken at face value instead of viewed as sarcasm, say “I assure you that my actions were not as she recounted; I’ll be happy to review the entire situation with you in person.”

Finally, refrain from written or verbal communication that contains questionable facts, derogatory content about people, or encourages others to speculate. As the Bible tells us in Proverbs 11:12, “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.”

Photo by library_mistress. Dr. Renée N. Hale is founder and president of WellSpirit Consulting Group, Inc.—engaging organizations around the world to get well, stay well, and create positive futures. Visit www.wellspiritconsulting.com today. © 2012 Renée N. Hale